50 Words of Chet and Lorenzo
by FountainPenguin
Summary: 51) Pen Pals- Uh, more like SUPER BEST STEP-BROTHERS FOREVER AND EVER who bother each other literally every second they're not on the phone with someone else, excuse you. (Written January 2016)


**1\. Fair**

A single knuckle tapped on his bedroom door. "Chet? Lorenzo and I are here."

Pfft. "I heard your truck pull up, Martin. But I'm so not going to say hello. And I'm not going to call you 'dad'. And I definitely don't want to see skunk-faced Lorenzo."

"I'm right out here, snotbag. But I still don't see why we have to be the ones to move in with you, just because stupid Robin has her murals."

"Don't call my mom stupid!"

Martin's voice: "We're not going to make you call her 'Mom', but please at least be respectful of her."

"Whatever." The door shuddered at its base like it had been kicked. Something dog-height yapped in agreement.

"I figure it's only fair," Chet called after his soon-to-be step-brother (horrid as it sounded). "I have to give up my last name, you have to give up your house."

 **2\. Weaning**

After taking his seat at the otherwise-empty kitchen table, Dad removed his glasses and rubbed both temples with the other hand. "I know you can find one thing you have in common with him, Lorz. If absolutely nothing else, you both have purple signature codes. So you can't be that different inside- you're just not trying hard enough yet to make connections. If there's going to be change, you have to want it. Let's try digging deeper."

Lorenzo picked up the dalmatian puppy and didn't try more than a little to hide his sneer. "He takes rhythmic gymnastics. That's practically like the girliest sport to exist ever ever on the planet."

"I understand why you think that. And it would be fantastic if you could watch your tongue around them. They're a religious family and disapprove of that sort of-"

"Yeesh, Dad, you don't need to tell me. I've been weaning myself off my swears for months, and I've replaced them all with desserts. So, yeah. I think I've got it covered. No one's gonna tell me I didn't try."

 **3\. Spoon**

The toddler pounded on her high chair tray and began to cry, and Chet took advantage of that to slip the Pears and Avocado mush into her mouth. "See? Maggie doesn't want you to get married either."

Sighing through her nose, Mom put down the plate. "Whether she likes it or not, it's still going to happen."

Chet stabbed his spoon back into the baby food jar. "I don't want to be a Carter. Marsden is so much cooler. Alliteration is lame."

"Mm, well, technically, 'c' and 'ch' are not alliterative."

Shaking his head, Chet took another bite of the baby food. "'Sides, I don't like the idea of being bossed around by Martin. He raised Lorenzo, so he can't be _that_ great."

"… Did you just eat that baby food?"

Chet looked down at the jar, then clapped a hand to his throat.

 **4\. Sniffles**

"Who's this adorable little rascal?" Robin asked, crouching down to one knee like she thought she was six. "I don't believe we've been formally introduced."

Dad stood there by the oven watching her with a stupid smile on his face. "The dalmatian's name is Snuff. It's short for Snuffles."

"It is not!" Lorenzo folded his arms. "It's short for S'nuff Said. Get it right."

Chet sneezed. And outside in the yard, just the two of them and Snuff, he sneezed once again.

"Heh. That would be the effect of all the guys at school talking about you behind your back. I'm not shabby at spreading rumors. Your breathing's gone all wheezy, eh? You sound like a really lame, really sad Darth Vader."

Chet rubbed his nose. "I think I'm allergic to your dog."

… Oh.

Lorenzo hugged the puppy to his chest, fighting down a growing wave of creeping panic. "There is no way in rocky road I'm giving up Snuff."

 **5\. Natural**

"Mom, you have to make Lorenzo get rid of his dog."

"Get rid of it? Honey, we can't possibly ask-" And then she turned around. "Oh."

He stood there, dripping with snot, hands braced against the door frame. He imagined his eyes must have gone red, because if you could feel a color, red was definitely the color they were right now.

"Let me make you some lunch. Do you want macaroni?"

He rubbed his stinging eyes with his wrist. "Yeah."

As soon as she finished setting the water on the stove, Mom sat down across the table from him. "It's okay to feel emotions, baby. That's normal. Just breathe in deep, breathe out deeper, and do whatever feels natural, even if you think it's embarrassing. I changed all your diapers and gave you all your baths. You can't embarass Mom."

 **6\. Hot**

Lorenzo sat on the back steps, watching Snuff run circles around drifting leaves. His fingers, toes, hair- every part of him creeped with sickness. No more Mom, no more house, no more school, no more friends, no more Snuff.

"I think he's cute," murmured someone behind him. One of Robin's daughters, and probably the one who'd been living away at college the last time they'd come up here. "Here, boy," she said, and whistled.

"He's probably deaf since he's a dalmation," Lorenzo began, but broke off as he turned around. The backpack plunged from his hands and slammed into his foot.

Oh chocolate-slathered cinnamon bears and iced creampuffs.

 **7\. Swallow**

"It's his dog. It has to be his dog."

Mom steepled her fingers. "Then we are at a crossroads. Either Lorenzo finds a new home for his dog, or you start taking allergy pills every day."

And the answer she wanted to here, of course, was obvious.

"But that's not _fair_!"

"Shh, shh… I know it isn't. I know it isn't. It's the Lady and the Tiger paradox, Chet. We can't always have what we want, and sometimes we have to pay for things we didn't do." She lay her fingers across his wrist and squeezed. "Something's gotta give. I need you to be the peacemaker for me."

The fingers of his other hand were already against his forehead. His eyes were shut. One tiny _Hic!_ escaped him, and then he nodded, and he was done. "I know, Mom. I'll try, for you."

The oven timer let out beats like a heart. Mom went to soothe it as Chet stayed there at the table with his palm stuck to his face.

 **8\. Splash**

The main-floor bathroom was decorated like a jungle. The shower curtain was a spread of tiger stripes. Plastic vines twirled along the walls.

Lorenzo turned the water up to max and splashed spray over his face. "Kendra is going to be your step-sister. You can't tell your step-sister you think she is the sexiest goddess on the whipped-creamed planet. Do not think bad thoughts. Do not think bad thoughts."

He leaned his elbows on the counter, crossing his arms over his face and grabbing twin fistfuls of his hair. "Crepes and waffles, is it so wrong that I want to ask her out?"

 **9\. Vaccine**

Mom unhooked her laptop from its charger on the counter and brought it over to the table. "There's a drug called flonase we could look into. But it also weakens your general immune system, so I don't imagine it would be our best choice for long-term use. Wait- here we go." She turned the screen around. "Loratadine. Looks like it could potentially keep your allergies at bay entirely. You could take it as either a single small tablet or a spoonful of syrup. Side effects may include anxiety and insomnia."

"That's… not totally awful, I guess," Chet muttered around his fork. "At least it's not death or puking."

"Only flaw is, a dose needs to be taken every six to eight hours."

Not cool. "Every six hours? But like, that's more than one time a day! Aw!"

"… And it takes two hours after ingestion before you'll feel its effect."

He took a bite of his macaroni. "Isn't there some kind of shot I can get that's permanent? Like a vaccine?"

She considered that for a moment. Then she took her pen from behind her ear and scribbled a note onto the back of her hand. "That would be an excellent thing to invent. I'll tell your father you..."

Pointed pause.

Chet covered his face with both hands, sliding his fingers up into his bangs. "But Mom, look at it from a logical standpoint. Dog costs money. Allergy medicine costs money. We can save money by ditching both. Money that will become quickly more valuable the faster it drains. As it will when two more people crowd into this house."

She shrugged. "I appreciate and agree with your argument. Be that as it may, it's not all about us anymore, dear. There are the feelings of other people to take into consideration. We all have to make sacrifices if we're going to make this work."

 **10\. Couch**

The entire room, floor to ceiling, had been painted like the inside of a castle. In the corner, a huge dragon was curled around a tower. Lorenzo ran his hand over the wall, lips tightening and tightening after every inch.

Bunk-beds. They had _bunk_ -beds. It wasn't enough that he had to give up the house that he could have found his way through blind, but now he couldn't even have his own space?

"Wrestle you for the top," Chet said, lifting his arms and spreading his legs.

"No way." Lorenzo grabbed his backpack and charged up the stairs two at a time. "I'm not doing this. I'm going to sleep on the couch for the rest of the school year, and I'm moving out as soon as I turn eighteen."

 **11\. Key**

Lorenzo took his keyring from his pocket and started flipping through them to find a match.

"Wait. You have a key to my front door?"

The comment startled Lorenzo enough that he actually stopped and just looked at Chet. "Uh, yeah. I live here too. It's not your door, you chubby little banana split. It's _our_ door."

This bothered him, for some reason. As Lorenzo found the correct key and held it up, Chet felt something sort of… shrivel inside him. He knew the shape of that key. He had always known it, ever since the time he was seven and given a copy of his very own. That was _his_ key in Lorenzo's hands, and he didn't know what Lorenzo might do with it. How could his mom trust Lorenzo to be responsible? Lorenzo was like, one of the most irresponsible people on an island of irresponsible people on the moon of an irresponsible planet! Maybe he would lose it and someone else would pick it up, like a crazy ax-murderer!

Quickly, Chet punched him in the collarbone.

 **12\. Rosebush**

Lorenzo, caught off guard, stumbled back into the porch banister and flipped over the side, head-first into a rosebush. This of course made him yell, and after he had scrambled away, he raced up the steps and tackled Chet over the opposite side of the porch. They plunged into the second rosebush. Thorns scraped his arms and jabbed through his clothes, right into his butt. There were thorns in his butt!

Chet howled and brought up his foot. With all the strength he could manage from his upside-down position, he smashed Lorenzo's head against the wall of the house. Blood trickled from his nose. Lorenzo grabbed Chet by the back of his shirt and hauled him from the bush. He got his hands around Chet's neck, and Chet got his arms around Lorenzo's, and they rolled about tussling in the snow for a good twenty minutes.

In the end they broke apart, puffing out cold breaths of air, and Lorenzo said he'd decided that Chet could keep the front door if he was going to be so defensive about it, and he himself would hop the fence and make the back way his main mode of entrance, which would be fine with him because Snuff was back there and probably needed some playtime too.

 **13\. Drug**

"Whatcha takin', nerd? Depression pills?"

Chet tossed the allergy tablet into his mouth and chased it down with a swish of water. "May as well be."

 **14\. Boots**

Lorenzo slept through his first alarm, but his second went off at 5:45, and he was awake enough for that.

He grabbed the boots and then, carefully, quietly, Lorenzo eased open the back door. He put a finger to his lips. "Come on, Snuff. You're not supposed to be in here and we don't want to get in trouble."

Even deaf, Snuff still let out a soft bark like he understood this objective. He took a single step inside, then looked up at Lorenzo and wagged his tail.

"Sit." Snuff sat when he made the motion for it, and Lorenzo crouched down beside him. "Shake." A paw lifted. Lorenzo took one of the boots and slipped it over Snuff's tiny paw. He had to tie it a good four times before he convinced himself it wasn't going to slip off.

The lights went on. Lorenzo twisted his hands sideway, placed the heels to his eye sockets, and gave a groan.

Chet clearly wasn't in the mood to appreciate Lorenzo's brilliant thinking, or even be frustrated by it. He simply glanced at Snuff in a sleepy way and said, "Why is _he_ in here?"

 **15\. Obviously**

"Okay." Lorenzo removed his hands so he could use them to act out his explanation. "I let him in because we were just going to cut across the house straight to the front porch, and we're doing that because there's like two feet of snow out there and I can't wear my boots, so I want to stick to the cleared paths and step in as little snow as possible, and I can't wear my boots because I need to give them to Snuff, and I need to give them to Snuff because the big truck thing that's not a zamboni but that clears the road put down salt to prevent it from freezing with ice, and dalmatians can't walk on salt without damaging their paws. Therefore, boots."

Chet lifted his finger. Opened his mouth. Dropped and shut. The hand moved to cover his eyes. Then the finger came back. "So you're putting your boots... on your dog."

"Yes."

"Your size six winter snow boots."

"That's the idea."

"And you are going out for a walk, in the snow, in the dark, at five in the morning, without your boots. Because you gave them to your dog."

"Was I unclear about this?"

 **16\. Backstab**

Chet let go of the door and wandered back towards the basement stairs. "Just don't take my boots out. I don't want them to get cold."

"Whatever, buttface."

As soon as he was gone, Lorenzo grabbed Chet's boots from the closet, ignoring the disappointed look this prompted from Snuff. "Pssh. Nerd should count himself grateful I'm not putting these on _your_ feet."

 **17\. Halo**

"But Mom, why do you let Lorenzo stay home? I don't like church either, but I still go. By choice."

Mostly because he hadn't realized there was another option.

"You know why," she sighed, handing him his scripture case, with its thin handle worn and bleeding stuffing. "He's adjusting. I discipline you, Kendra, and Maggie, and Martin disciplines him. We're not going to force him, and if he never comes, that's okay. I just want you to teach by example.

That day, Chet came home to find Lorenzo camped out in front of the basement TV, with a bowl of popcorn and candy corn in front of him, and a second bowl filled with taffies and assorted chocolates. He was playing Halo, which seemed pretty violent for Sunday, and he didn't even look up. Just clicked his controls and peeled the wrapper of a Hershey's kiss with his teeth.

Chet flared his nostrils as he stomped past to whip off his tie and change out of his suit. He wasn't sure if church made him happy, but if nothing else, it certainly made him happier than being home alone with _Lorenzo_.

 **18\. Scrub**

"Maggie! Get out of my backpack!"

She looked up. Her face was covered in red and green stripes of marker. So were the backs of her hands. And, he realized with a growing pit of horror in his stomach, so was the flower-field wall behind her.

"Strawberry funnelcake batter!" Lorenzo snatched her into his arms and pried the yellow marker from her mouth. "Your mom is going to tie me up by my ankles using strips of my own skin!"

She began to cry as he held her, reaching for his fistful of markers. Lorenzo twitched his fingers. It wasn't fair to hate Maggie. She didn't know a lot, and she couldn't read his name on his art box.

"Well. Let's get you in the bathtub." He used his elbow to flick on the lights and spilled the markers in the sink for now. Maggie's shirt came off over her head and disappeared in the corner basket with her pants. The Pull-Ups diaper he dropped in the trash after holding it as far from his body as he could. Was he supposed to yank out her braid? Cut it off? How did this girl thing work?

He turned on the water and, after checking the temperature with the back of his hand, set Maggie in. She splashed with her hands and picked up a foam letter X.

"Okay, sit tight. I'll find a rag."

He tried to head back to the kitchen, but he got lost in the living room and then the dining room and then the play room along the way. Honestly, who even needed a kitchen AND a dining room? What was the table in the kitchen even for, then?

Aha! They kept the rags under the sink instead of in the laundry room like sane people. Pssh. Didn't they realize that if the sink pipes broke, the rags would get soaked through and be totally useless in a clean-up?

He ran across Kendra in the hall and spat a choice souffle recipe under his breath. She cocked her head. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing!"

Obviously, no one else could find out. If they found out, he was as good as ruined.

Lorenzo remained planted in front of the wall until Kendra wandered away. Then, dropping to his knees, he started to scrub, mumbling about brownies and cupcakes and, yes, letting a few more profane words slip into the mix as he went.

 **19\. Recall**

"Hey fartface, Martin sent me back in here to tell you that he's waiting for you outside and he wants to leave in two minutes."

"Milkshakes!" Lorenzo slammed his palms down on the counter and leaned over it, breathing hard. "I completely forgot!"

Chet lifted his arms, wrists curled like Snuff trying to beg, and broke into snorting laughter. "Is that your substitute swear? You sound like a moron."

" _You_ sound like a moron! Where are all Maggie's clothes and diaper stuff? She colored on the walls and got marker all over her, so like ten minutes ago I put her in the tub and I… I…"

 **20\. Soap**

Oh, butterscotch.

The realization flitted over Chet's face. " _You left Maggie alone in the bath_?"

"MINT FUDGE!" Lorenzo whipped around just as Chet rocketed past him. Together they charged up the hallway, shoving one another, and slammed their shoulders into the bathroom door. It burst inward, and they stumbled in to find the floor blanketed in fluffy whiteness like a whole decade of snow.

"Oh _no_."

"How could you?" Chet snapped, flinging bubbles aside as he waited through the soapy mountain. Finally, he found Maggie holding two empty shampoo bottles upside-down, giggling and kicking her feet. "She could've like drowned and it totally would've been all your fault!"

"I forgot! I've never had siblings before! You can't expect me to know this stuff, slopcan."

"Don't play dumb, mulchbreath!" He set Maggie on the bubble-coated toilet and shoved Lorenzo in the stomach. Lorenzo shoved him back, and Chet threw himself into his chest, fingers splayed. Lorenzo's head cracked against the counter.

 **21\. Better**

The dog was yipping. It was moments like this that Chet wished he had the bottom bunk, because this would have been an excellent time to kick the underside of Lorenzo's mattress.

He pulled the blankets over his head. "Hey bozo. Your dog won't shut his fat yap."

No answer. When Chet leaned over the edge of the bunkbed, he realized that Lorenzo's bunk was empty altogether. Where had he gone? Outside? Surely not, in the rain.

He didn't bother popping a tablet into his mouth on his way through the kitchen- he wasn't planning to be awake long enough for it to really matter too much.

Snuff let out a joyful bark and tried to squeeze past Chet's legs. Chet slid his foot forward and nudged the dog down the porch steps. "Yeah right. I'm not about to let you have free reign inside and get your filthy dander everywhere. C'mon, heel. I've got a better plan."

 **22\. Caught**

They kissed like they were married.

Lorenzo stared at them from beneath his umbrella, his hair and pajamas plastered to his skin. He hadn't meant to make a sound, but he must have - one of those long and squeaky ones - because both Dad and Robin drew their lips apart and blinked guiltily back at him across the road through the rain.

"Lorenzo," Dad said haltingly, "we're going to be married. Engaged people kiss."

"You used to kiss Mom like that, when she brought you peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches. Are you always going to treat Robin like she's Mom? _I don't want you to have sex and stuff with Chet's mom the same way you had it with mine_!"

 **23\. Shed**

Snuff cocked his head as Chet slopped his way across the lawn. At first he didn't move, but Chet made Lorenzo's finger-snapping motion, and he couldn't resist. He bounced down the porch and raced over as Chet plugged the key into the lock on the shed and pushed open the door.

"See?" Chet waved inside with his hand. "Nice and snug."

The puppy edged close and put its head through the door. Then it looked back at Chet with a face that said something close to, _You've gotta be kidding me._

Chet couldn't blame it for its hesitation. It was Dad's old shed- Musty and full of cobwebs and piles of tools that no one remembered how to use or even what their names were. Spiders slept in bundles atop the toolbox on the workbench. Sawdust blanketed the floor, interspaced with glinting silver nails.

"Nope, totes serious. This is where I'm putting you. Oh, come on. Get in here, you." Chet picked up the puppy and tossed it into the shed. It fumbled for a footing immediately, tried to turn out, but he snapped the door in its face. Forepaws smacked wood. A whimper.

"Don't act like I've betrayed you. I'm not your master. I don't like you. At least it's dry, so you should count your blessings for that, dumb puppy."

 **24\. Concert**

"Dad, Dad, can we go? Please?"

But Dad just slid the paper aside. "It's Sunday, Enz. Chet's family doesn't do things like that on Sunday."

Holding his breath, Lorenzo scrunched his eyebrows. "Well, I'm not part of Chet's family. _You're_ not part of Chet's family."

"We live with them. I'd like it if you could show some respect for their way of life."

He grabbed his coat. "I'm going with Parker and Dave. I'm not part of their church and I don't want to be. Makes no sense."

Dad nodded. "Okay. I won't stop you. You have the right to make your own choices. But take your phone, and call us if anything happens and you need us to pick you up."

Lorenzo was already halfway through the door, but he stopped and turned to point a finger. "If I do call, it had better be _you_ that comes to get me. Not Robin."

Then he bounded out without waiting for the response. The door slammed.

 **25\. Piety**

"He _left_? You and Martin let him? Mom, you knew I wanted to go! Why can't I just miss one Sunday? It's not going to be the end of the world! I could've like bonded with him!"

 **26\. Why**

Lorenzo flapped out his collar and puffed air downwards at his chest. "Look. Robin, I should've said something sooner, okay? Maggie took my markers and drew over your mural in the living room. It wasn't my fault, but I'm still sorry it had to happen."

Robin chuckled. "No worries. She always does that. I was going to paint over it in the morning."

"In the morning?"

"Is there a problem with that?"

"I just figured you had better things to do."

"It's hardly work when you're doing what you love. Hey, would you like to help me?"

Lorenzo took a step away. "Help you? It wasn't my fault! Why should I have to clean it up?"

 **27\. Birthday**

Oh, sure, it hadn't been easy to go out and buy the exact same foil wrappers, slip over to Gary's house, get the baking done, and ensure that his soon-to-be step-brother was the only one to pick them up, but the look on Lorenzo's face when he bit into the salty cupcake made it all so worth it.

 **28\. Undo**

Still spitting out the disgusting chunks, trying to swipe the crumbs from between his teeth with his tongue, Lorenzo curled up in the basement bathroom and flipped open Dad's cellphone. He'd memorized the number when he was nine and never forgotten it.

"… Martin?"

"Mom, you have to undo the divorce and take Dad back!"

"Oh. Lorenzo. Lorrie, I think it's a little late for that. We've been separated for six years."

"No, but it's not too late! I forgive you!" The tears sprang to his eyes. "I'll be good. I'll wash all the dishes and I'll never complain about doing my laundry and I'll even take down the treehouse. Can't I move to Rochester with you?"

A sigh. "Hon-bun, you know why that won't work. Besides, I'm not even in Rochester right now. I'm in Sweden."

"I want to go to Sweden."

"Sorry. Chin up, Enzzie. I heard your daddy was getting married again. With a positive attitude and a little time, you'll learn to love whoever she is. You'll be okay. Now, can you please hang up? I have things I need to do."

He sighed. "Call me on Christmas?"

"If I can manage the time, sweetie, then of course I will."

On that lousy attempt at a promise, Lorenzo hung up. For a few minutes he stayed against the wall. The arm that held the phone lay across his knee. His other fingers drummed in his lap. Hm.

 **29\. Representation**

Chet was done listening to Mom go off in her spiel about playing nice and being a good example. As soon as he found the opportunity to stomp off, he grabbed the living room phone and called up Kendra.

Kendra was the best kind of sister, and she listened to his entire rant, and as he mumbled to a stop, she said, "Oh, I hate Lorenzo too. Or at least, I dislike what he represents. The change. He's mostly okay as a person, if rough around the edges, but I just can't stand him being in our house. I don't think he and I will ever get along."

 **30\. Recommend**

"Wait." Lorenzo turned off the sink and rubbed his eyes with his free hand. "What do you mean I'm not invited to the wedding ceremony? You're taking _Chet_ , but you're leaving me behind?"

Dad traced his spoon around his ice cream bowl, catching the last of the melting drips. "Actually, there will be two ceremonies. But yes, the first will be in the temple. And you don't have a recommend, seeing as you are not a member of the church nor have any desire to become one, so far as I've been made aware. So, in a sense, no, you are not invited."

 **31\. Endow**

"And technically, Chet's not going either. Or at least not inside the sealing room, since he won't get his endowments done until he's nineteen. He wants to spend the morning doing baptisms."

Chet stuck out his tongue. "Which you'd know if you actually went to church and learned about these things like the rest of us."

Oh, how delicious it felt to drink up the red flush from Lorenzo's face.

 **32\. Two**

Lorenzo slammed his bowl into the sink. Luckily it was small and plastic - one of Maggie's little snack bowls - and it didn't shatter, even though he kind of wished it would. It wasn't like he _wanted_ to see his dad sign his soul away to Chet's mom, but the fact that he was denied even having an option…

"What kind of religion doesn't allow the _teenage_ son to be present at the re-wedding?"

"And thus we arrive at the reason why we are having two ceremonies." Dad tilted down his glasses. "Ceremony one is for those permitted to enter the temple. The second ceremony will be down at the park. There will be an altar, a priest, a garter, a bouquet, photographs- everything you would expect at a reception. That ceremony is specifically for you. And Uncle Amos, and Aunts Rose and Saralee, and any friends from school you wish to invite."

Yes, his friends. Why wouldn't he want his friends to bear witness to all his life and happiness drawing sharply to a close?

Lorenzo thought that he was still in a state of shock even two weeks later when the wedding day finally rolled around, and they all abandoned him at home with instructions to babysit Maggie.

 **33\. Tie**

"I'm not going to wear a stupid tie. I've never worn a tie in my life, and I don't see why I should have to now if we're just going to the park."

Chet rolled his eyes. "You're just saying that 'cuz you don't know how to put it on."

"I could figure it out. I'm way smarter than you." Lorenzo put his hand on Chet's face and shoved him. "I just turned seventeen in September. You are sixteen."

Chet shoved him back. "Only until May!"

"What does May have to do with December?"

"What do _you_ have to do with December?"

"That doesn't make any sense!"

"Maybe you don't make sense!"

"Your whole face doesn't make sense!"

"Your face makes even less sense!"

 **34\. Pounce**

Chet put his hands on his knees and slit his eyes, the way he always did when he was getting ready to pounce. Lorenzo shifted his weight to his heels so he could roll backwards with the tackle as painlessly as possible. Like a ball from a cannon, Chet launched himself into Lorenzo's chest; he caught him and they tumbled into the grass, clawing at one another's shoulders and yanking hair and kicking at stomachs.

"Boys, boys! You'll scuff your suits."

 **35\. Plug**

"I now pronounce you-"

Chet plugged his forefingers in his ears so he didn't have to hear the words, but he forgot to close his eyes, so he saw every one fall from the priest's chubby lips.

And… and they kissed! Like, in front of people!

 **36\. Officially**

"So. Step-brothers now."

"Yes. Officially step-brothers."

 **37\. Sunday**

"You'd let me do this if I were Lorenzo!"

 **38\. Robin**

"Don't tell me what to do! You're not my mom! Get a real job, hippie."

 **39\. Slam**

The screeching car wheels drew him out of the house.

"NO! Oh no, no, no!"

Chet clutched him to his neck, even though the dog's drool dribbled down his arm and made him break out in hives.

"Please, God! Please, I know you can save him! This stupid, worthless puppy means everything to Lorenzo! It's the only piece he has of his life before he was forced into our family! Please, God! Please save him! _I know you can_! I believe in you!"

Was that a twitch of muscle beneath his fingers? Chet raised his eyes, whispering his thank yous to the sky.

No. It wasn't a twitch. It was just a limp heap of fur and blood in Chet's arms. He stayed on his knees, numb with disbelief. He was still there when night fell and Lorenzo's car pulled back into the driveway. His step-brother came hurtling down the lawn, screaming probably every ice cream flavor known to mankind.

There was fighting. Lorenzo jerked the dog away. He had to see for himself that he was dead. Chet was still freaking out about this. He tried to say sorry, but Lorenzo wouldn't hear it. He lay the body aside and rounded on Chet. Pounce (justified). Rolling across the grass, yelling about how Chet had never liked Snuff and had allowed him into the road on purpose and didn't regret it. Chet shouted things he later couldn't remember - probably stuff about Lorenzo's parents and how he'd never asked for that dog in the first place, blah blah blah.

Lorenzo went down to their room and slammed the door. Mom called out to him that dinner would be ready in five, and he shouted that he wasn't hungry.

Chet figured he'd set a place for him at the table anyway. He swung open the cupboards to gather plates and cups. The very first thing his eyes landed on was the bright white bottle of allergy tablets, tucked into the corner, with a yellow sticky note beside it reminding Mom that they needed to get it refilled sometime over the next week.

And that started him crying all over again, like a stupid baby.

 **40\. Don't**

Lorenzo knew Chet was still awake, and he knew that Chet was going to speak to him too. He'd been trying to- he kept hearing his step-brother's intakes of breath, formations of words, but they kept dying out. Good, Lorenzo thought. He didn't want to talk.

"Lorenzo?"

He didn't see the need to grace that with a reply.

"We… we can get you a new dog, if you want. I'll go with you to the shelter in the morning. I'll pay for it myself." He forced a dry laugh that came out much too high. "But maybe this time we could get one I'm not allergic too?"

Lorenzo flopped over on his bunk. "Don't bother. The campus I want to go to doesn't allow dogs. It would just have to stay here with you anyway."

 **41\. Accepted**

Martin covered his face with the collar of his shirt. "Robin, I'm really not sure this was a good idea."

"You were okay with it when I signed them up," she pointed out, eyeballing a sneaky patch of yellow-white on the wall.

"I didn't think they'd actually get selected! That's a whole different ballpark."

 **42\. Race**

Who could have predicted a month ago that an hour spent in prison during one little trip around the world on a dumb reality show could change everything?

 **43\. Half**

It was cruel, Chet thought, that he and Lorenzo should have to get stuck in the back seat. Kendra was driving. Martin sat beside her in the passenger seat, wincing at every swerve around a corner and every squeal of brakes. For his part, Chet was sulking, arms folded. Lorenzo had brought his DS. Maggie sat between them in her carseat, like an actual manifestation of the divide between them. Yeah, bonding had been great and all, but there were way too many days when Lorenzo just crawled under his skin and pressed all his buttons.

"I hope it's a boy," Chet said, sticking out his tongue. "After two girls, it's about time I got a _real_ brother."

Lorenzo smacked him upside the head. "He's not your real brother, chocolate chip. He's only half."

"That's better than what you are."

"I'm better than what _you_ are."

"Come on, boys," groaned Martin, clinging to the edges of his seat. "Not today."

"… Well, if you hope it's a boy, then I hope it's a girl."

 **44\. Skin**

"Uh…" The receptionist slid her eyes between their faces. "Only immediate family members are allowed in to see her at this time."

He felt Lorenzo stiffen beside him. But before Chet could crack any jokes about his skin color, Martin intervened.

"I'm her husband." He put his arms around the shoulders of both boys. "These are my sons."

Both Lorenzo and Chet squirmed at that. Chet found himself wishing for the comforting distance of "step-".

 **45\. Baby**

"And these are my daughters."

Kendra shifted Maggie to just one arm so she could offer a wave. "He-ey."

So the receptionist offered an embarrassed little shrug. "Well, you'll be looking for Room 224."

There was a pause for about two seconds. And then, as one, Chet and Lorenzo turned and shot down the hallway. They slammed each other against the walls and tripped over their own feet. They startled several nurses and had to squeeze past a dolly cart (which Lorenzo had an easier time doing than Chet did) but at last, at last, they pulled to a halt in front of the correct door.

Chet leaned down to place his hands on his knees. "We… we should wait for the others to catch up, probably."

Lorenzo ignored him, clasping the knob between all eight fingers. "Please be a girl, please be a girl, please be a girl."

He pushed it open just as Chet grabbed his elbow.

The room was dark. Lorenzo thought this was stupid, because it meant that in order to see the baby, he had to walk right up to Chet's mom. He liked _Chet_ well enough on most days since they'd like bonded and stuff over the Race, but his feelings for Robin were still pretty conflicted. And his feelings for Kendra were still _really_ conflicted.

Lorenzo stared down, then turned and slammed both palms against the wall. "Hershey's caramel syrup! It's a boy!"

Chet leaned over the bed. "Oh. He's _weird_ looking."

Lorenzo punched him in the shoulder. "You're just saying that 'cuz he's black."

Chet shoved him hard enough to fling him to the ground. "You're just saying that 'cuz _you're_ black.

Robin cleared her throat several times as Martin filed in with Kendra and Maggie in tow. "We want you boys to pick his name."

Chet and Lorenzo glanced at each other, then back. "For real?" Lorenzo asked.

"Like, for permanently?" Chet asked.

"No questions asked."

 **46\. Aside**

For two days, Lorenzo put his rivalry with Chet aside as they lay on their stomachs in the living room, flipping through baby name books and arguing over which ideas were good enough to even get on the consideration list. Chet kept leaning towards names that ended with 's' like Thomas and Miles and Travis.

Some of them weren't half bad, but Lorenzo stubbornly refused to accept anything that Chet suggested. This was his first sibling (or his first sibling that really shared his blood and genes, anyway), and he was going to do this right. Chet already had two sisters. This baby belonged to _him_.

When they agreed on it at last, they both had to stare awhile, just basking in the wonder (or perhaps the disbelief). The name was two syllables that rang out like bells. It flowed off the tongue. It carried with it a source of majesty and power. No one would ever dare to mess with a kid called this. It was, officially, the most perfect name in the universe.

They wrote it down on an index card and wouldn't show it to anybody, not even Dad. Chet drove them all to the hospital with his sweaty _I-only-just-got-my-permit_ foot jerking at the gas pedal. Lorenzo stayed in the back seat so he could keep Maggie entertained.

Lorenzo drew the index card from his pocket and turned it around so Robin could see. "We decided we're going to name him Ninja."

The family resemblance was pretty obvious as Robin lifted her finger and opened her mouth, shut it, placed the hand to her eyes, and put the finger back out again.

"Well," she said, and "Well" again. "You agreed on something, and I'm proud of you both for that. But perhaps we should… try an alternative? I mean, a ninja would never reveal himself to be a ninja. Therefore, this would put him in danger. It may even convince people that he could not, obviously, be an actual ninja, even if he is. He himself may even begin to doubt his inborn ninja abilities. His training would fail him when he needed it most, and the whole world could be plunged into darkness."

She had them there. Lorenzo rubbed his chin, considering hard.

"Wait," Chet said. He took the index card and tore it in half. Then he swapped the two pieces around and held it up again, arms crossed in an X. "How 'bout Janin?"

Lorenzo threw his arm around him. "Yes! I'm liking this concept. Single-handedly the totally best name ever!"

 **47\. Name**

"Eighteen!" Lorenzo let out a whoop and dropped himself onto the couch beside his Chet. "So, new man, what do you wanna do for your big birthday?"

"First thing I'm going to do, I'm going to court to get my last name changed back to Marsden." But he couldn't keep a straight face as he said it, and so Lorenzo just pushed his socked feet into his cheek and rolled his eyes.

 **48\. College**

"Well." Beaming, Lorenzo tightened his grip on the straps of his backpack. "Thanks for coming to wish me off, guys. I'll miss you all. Especially you, lightning bug-butt. I'll be back when you get your call."

"I'm gonna e-mail you so hard, your message box will explode, gluestick-spit."

"You won't be able to do that, because I'm gonna make your box explode first, tortoise-breath. Suck it!"

 **49\. Mission**

"Dear Elder Carter, you are hereby called… and assigned to labor in the Japan Nagoya mission! Dude, I get to speak Japanese!"

As the cheering broke out, Lorenzo grabbed Chet around the neck with both arms locked and hollered, "This is my bro! This is my awesome bro, everyone!"

 **50\. Nest**

In the midst of the celebration, Lorenzo's cellphone began to jitter in his sleeve. He excused himself into the kitchen, snagged two chocolate chip cookies and a lemon one, and leaned against the counter.

"S'up. Marsden-Carter residence." He popped a root beer that had been left beside his laptop. "Lorenzo speaking."

"Enzie?"

"M… Mom? We haven't talked for like…"

Years.

First, silence. Lorenzo nibbled on one of the cookies. Then, "Who's cheering?"

"My step-brother's going to leave home for two years to go to Japan after school gets out." He passed the root beer to Maggie and ruffled her red hair. Tough to refuse her when her dark eyes looked so owlish and bright behind her glasses. Janin toddled into the kitchen beside her, clinging to her chubby thumb. He had a red and white party blower in his mouth, which he used to punch Lorenzo's knee with a _Frrweeeet!_

"Well. If your daddy's there, you can tell him I said 'Hi', if you want. And speaking of visits to foreign countries, do you still want to visit Sweden one of these days, Enzie? If you'd like to study abroad, you can stay with me. I've got room for one more at my place."

As he tilted his head, balancing all three cookies in a stack on the tips of two fingers, as friends and neighbors and cousins paraded Chet about on their shoulders, Lorenzo couldn't help but laugh.

"Maybe next year, Mom. But right now I belong in Robin's nest with the best family I could ever want."

He clapped the phone down on the counter, grabbed the punch bowl, and slipped out to the back porch after the unsuspecting Chet.


End file.
